Well....

The Jen is in school working on her Bachelor's.

:)

This shit is pissing me off

"We fit together just like missing puzzle Pieces" -Joe Leo to me.

Okay, today, I was walking around, as usual, just chilling, enjoying the spiritual meanings of life, cause guess what? Life is a spiritual journey, each day, it's different, there are a lot of spiritual clues around, serendipity, everything happening for a reason. It's like some sort of quest each day to find more of yourself.

and guess what I heard a girl talking about? She looked like a teenager, a stupid teenager, to be honest. Why? Cause she was talking about finding her prince charming, that is a pile of bullshit, I overheard her convo and jumped in, I asked her why she was looking for her "Prince Charming" She goes, "Because everyone seems to be finding theirs" Wow, you're kidding me, she needs to be knocked in the head and be sent to woman school, first off, you're not ready to even find your soulmate

Because guess what Soulmates are?

They're people who fit together with you, just like a missing puzzle piece. It pisses me off to no end when I hear people just marrying for money, for fame, for fortune.

Let me ask you this question...for all those people who say they're in love, for those who say they have found "the one"

If your prince charming had a lot of issues, would you still love them? Would YOU? If your prince charming got into jail because of an accident that could've been avoided, would you still love them? Would YOU?

Let me tell you my story.

Joe Leo, he has issues, lots of them, issues just like mine, he's what I call my prince charming, but not in the context of prince charming. He's a man, a real man, but he has faults, he had a lot of wounds to clean up, you think all men are toys to be messed with, right? Wrong. Those girls who fucking use men can kiss my shiny metal ass, not all men want sex, you know?

I don't think you do know. Men want brains. They want a girl who matches their personality, their wit, their humor, just they want someone to LOVE, not just to fuck. If you want a man just to fuck, get a life and a grip on reality, life is NOT a romance novel you sick pieces of shit, you can go and drown in water, deep deep water, and I want you to drown in it because I don't want your ignorant asses living here anymore.

Okay, let's say you found your prince charming....well, lots of issues pop up, would you give him up? Would you? After all, piles of bullshit pop up....we have family issues, money issues, people issues, car issues...etc. Would you walk across hot hot lava? Would YOU ACTUALLY give your life up for the person you loved? Would YOU? Would you DO EVERYTHING? LIke Sacrifice your life FOR THEIRS? Think about it, how many people would actually when it really comes down to that?

...the answer? There goes 3/4 of the people who say they're in love. You say you're in love, okay, nice. Well, let's talk about your soulmate. Do they share your personality? Your faults? Your same issues? Your humor? Your style? Do they fit together with you just like missing puzzle pieces? Do they? Do they make you whole? Do you even understand what I'm talking about? Half of the people won't even understand what I would yaking away about, Oh I laugh at you and your stupidity. Disney? What have you done?

Life isn't a fairy tale.

But I like my castle.

oh and life is not what you think it is, but whatever. Just lay down and play dead, after all, you don't belong here.

I love Joe Leo.

:)

Ignorance is bliss.

People....

Seriously, some people are so ignorant and soooo fucking narrow minded that it pisses me off, some people are fucking dumbasses, I'm serious, even if I don't believe that there's a stupid person out there, apparently there are. Yup, some people don't get metaphorical thinking, I mean, it's not rocket science, or is it?

Right, don't tell me, it is.

WHY SO SERIOUS???????????

I'm quite annoyed, to be honest at those poor little losers.

Right now, I'm pissed at people who don't THINK. Sure, my hormones are all over the place at the moment and I'm eating up everything at the moment, I'm pissed because I hate certain people, people who are ignorant, people who are here for no apparent reason, who don't understand the deeper meaning of life, oh you suck. Period.

That's a no no, my child will know everything about this world and will NOT be ignorant.

Thank god.

I'm just so in love with him, I can't get him out of my head, my thoughts, my mind, every part of me feels like I fall deeper and deeper with him, I don't know how to describe it, love is undescribable, but what I feel for him, my dear god, it's a supermassive black hole, as deep and as vast as the universe and you know how vast the universe is, in every single way, he gives me direction, he makes me feel at home emotionally, and I am so lucky to have him.

I believe in a thing called LOVE.



It feels so weird that someone has such a control on your emotions, on your heart like that, I have to say, it's rather crazy, I feel rather vulnerable most of the time because of the hold he has on my heart, on my soul, on my spirit, on my mind, I can't lose him, life is nothing without him, I'm living for him, he's someone I would die for, someone I would sacrifice everything in a drop of a hat, I have done so, I would not only walk across fire for him, but I would walk across this earth, walk across everything, earth, wind, water, fire, everything life throws at me because I want to be with him, I care so much about his happiness, I care so much about him in general, his happiness is my happiness, his sadness is my sadness, when he shines, I shine. My heart comes out of my chest every time I see his pictures or see him, these feelings of deep deep love jumps out and bites me, I get consumed by these emotions and it feels so good, his voice, his face, his videos, oh dear god, the passion that emits from me, the passion that I feel writing this, the strong feelings, the deepness, he sets my soul alight, there are no words to even begin to describe the little spurts of dizziness I feel, the feelings of completion, the feelings of just everything so good in the universe coming together because of this thing called LOVE. Love is what makes the world go around, it feels so damn good to just linger in his gaze, to see his eyes staring back at me filled with love just as intense as mine, his touch, how I crave for it 24/7, how I hunger for it, how I lust after it like there's no other thing that I would rather feel, just him, only him, he makes me shine like gold, shine like diamonds, shine like the stars, ugh, my heart feels like it's coming out of my chest writing this, by god, he makes me so happy, so happy, soooooo happy, SO HAPPY, IN EVERY SINGLE WAY.

Normally I don't like depending my complete existance, my complete happiness on someone else, but I depend on him, it's just so awkward without feeling him, without feeling the brush on his hand, this love is difficult, so difficult, but in every single way, it's worth it, soulmate relationships aren't meant to be easy, there are so many things trying to tear us apart, daily, him not having a body to manifest in is one, it takes so much out of me trying to stay sane sometimes.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oYkZs4yR2o

LOve Story-Taylor Swift

I have to say, it's almost the one year anniversary of JoeJen. :O

Life, Life, and more LYFE

So, life, today, I'm thinking about this thing called LIFE. Yeah, that's smoke coming out of my head you see, don't worry, I put the fire out with the fire extinguisher, I'm safe, for now.

Many things have happened to me that I never ever thought would happen, in fact, thinking about it right now, yeesh, I did so much, I have accomplished so much in life and I'm rather proud of it. :)

1. I never did think I would move across a country to be with a person I loved dearly, in fact, I thought people who did that were kinda stupid, why would they do such a stupid thing? But I never thought it would be *ME* doing that, gee.

2. I never thought many things, in fact, I never thought I would find my soulmate, I thought I would be feeling empty for the rest of my life, I never thought I would find a person that would match my personality, that would match everything on every level, it's scary, I always watched movies and envied the other people for finding their soulmate and stuff.

3. I never thought I would find my soulmate on THE COMPUTER, the internet, especially FACEBOOK. LOL.

4. I never thought I would start a family at 19, well. Gee.

5. I never thought I would ever leave my parents, in fact, I felt like I was in a dead end and thought of ways to end my life, that is until this one person showed up in my life.

6. and the biggest I never thought would happen? Falling in love with Joseph Leo. I never had any interest in him, he just added me randomly, I didn't want to accept the friendship invitation at first, but I thought "WHY NOT?" This was when I turned 18, supposedly a psychic once told me that I would find my soulmate at 18, little did I know that accepting the friendship request changed everything, it wasn't me who accepted it, it was my boyfriend at the time who accepted it for me because he was messing around with my Facebook. I have to thank him. Well, I never interacted with this Joseph Leo who added me randomly, he would post a lot, I would say a hello and he would too every now and then, he would comment on my things and I would comment on his, but other than that, I didn't even consider him a friend until summer time of 2009 comes along.

So this is how the whole story of JoeJen starts, I should write it on a blog because it's fun to record memories after everything that we've both been through.

My boyfriend Robert Shapiro, the same dude who accepted the friendship request for me for this Joseph Leo had to go to Israel for a trip (he's a white/pale jewish boy), he was going to be gone for a whole damn month without ANY contact with me whatsover. At this point, this was July of 2009, I was with him for 2 years, I loved Robert, of course, he was my everything at that time, I got lost and confused, then another boy comes in, a boy called Richard Fast, he was Robert's good friend, we decided to take chemistry together for the hell of it, I needed something to do, as did he because he had to make up chemistry class, so for some reason, during chemistry, we got REALLY close, as time went on, Robert wasn't there, Richard was, he was always there for me, then I got confused with the two boys I had, I didn't know what to do, which boy to dump, which boy to hurt, etc....yeah.....Then, for some reason Joe came in the picture, I messaged him asking what would he do if he had two girls, he asks if I was going through some issues with two men, he then goes into full detail of his life, he became my advisor of what I should I do, hahahaha, he told me he'd be the third wheel, I thought he was kidding, he helped me through my confusion, made me understand many things, in fact, this was about a year ago, last summer when we started fully talking, I always felt some sort of connection with this Joseph Leo, but I never cared for it, I just flirted with him, I did see many woman had an interest in him, I didn't give a fuck, I didn't really understand what was so popular about him, yes, I'm speaking in the honest truth, keep in mind, this was before I feel in love with him.

and notice the date. LOL



Yeah, click on it to see what was written, I have to say, LOL. We weren't friends much and this was on another Facebook that I had deactivated for him. Everything started from then on.

so, basically, after that, we talked, we started never not talking, it was awkward when we didn't talk, I told him everything, he was telling me everything, how he felt, I was starting to actually think I was falling in love, but then I ignored the feelings, I suppressed them thinking that it was just a lie, that what I was feeling for him were just lust, after all, he sent me videos and I found him attractive, really attractive, his pictures, I stared at them daily, he had so many women commenting on his stuff, I never thought I would have a chance anyways, haha, besides I got dumped by this Richard Fast, that loosened the load of having two men at the same time without letting the other know about each other. That was STRESSFUL, never again, will I ever have two boyfriends at the same time.


Okay, then comes September 22th 2009, the day my sister attempts suicide.

Up until that point, Joe and I were flirting with each other, talking to each other daily, childish games, etc... but for some reason, that day changed EVERYTHING, that day was the day everything changed, the moment I made this status "Oh Shit, my sister was found sprawled on the floor with pill bottles on her hand, she just tried suicide and the ambulance is outside my house and my mother was going NUTS" he called me and calmed me down and made sure I was okay, he called me constantly, he immediately came to my rescue, understanding me, making me feel calm and just okay. While everyone in the family was rushing around like lunatics, I stayed behind feeling rather distraught and depressed. I remember that day vividly, my sister just came home from school, she had tears in her eyes, her friends all said that day she was saying goodbye and that she'll always love them, they were all rather confused of what she meant and she just ran away from them. She asked me where the Aspirins were and if I could get her one, I did, I regret it, I saw her by the medicine cabinet, I never bothered to ask what she was doing, she finished her puzzle piece that said the words The last Supper, I didn't get the symbolism in that, but she told me to get a drink for her, I told her I didn't feel like it, she said "Please, I'll never bother you again." I wish I had paid attention to what she meant, then my mother came home from work, my sister goes up to her room, but before that, she gives me a kiss on the cheek saying "I love you and I'll always remember you", I was on the computer talking to this Joe Leo who was side tracking me, lol, I didn't get what the hell she was doing, she was rushing all around, giving my mother a hug, my father was actually working at home that day too, he usually never does, which was strange.

5 PM that evening, my mother was cooking dinner, for some reason, she stopped and asked what my sister was doing, my sister never went into her room this early, I had this horrible feeling in my stomach that something was really wrong, so okay then, I ignored it. My mother knocks on my sister's room, she doesn't respond, she usually calls out "What do you want?" but she didn't, in fact, my mother knocked about 20 times, still no answer, my mother tried to burst into the room, but the door was locked and there were things that were preventing the door from opening, she gets my father who just absentmindedly knocks down the door with his arms, he didn't think anything was wrong at first, my heart was racing, my mind was hurting, there I hear two loud screams coming from upstairs, I ran up there wondering what the hell was happening, there I saw her, I clearly remember the picture, my mother was shaking my sister awake, she was having a seizure at the moment, FIVE bottles of PILL BOTTLES, they were full when I saw them, they were empty at the moment, they laid beside her, she was drooling, she swallowed every single one of her pills, including mine, including my mother's, including the Advil bottles, etc. My mother tells my father to call 911, nobody had the phone with them, nobody except ME, luckily I did, I called 911 and my mother was shaking my poor little sister, the color in her face was fading, her hands were rather cold, I burst into tears and started crying, my parents told me to go outside to wait, I didn't want to leave the room, as I left..... I prayed to whatever was out there, telling them not to take away my sister, not to do this to me, not to do this to my family, my sister has been suffering from depression for the past few years, she always said she wanted to kill herself to me, I thought she wouldn't, we were really close, but I wish I had known, I wish I understood her symbols she let in the areas of each room. Then the ambulance comes, they rush upstairs and carry her body down, they had kinda stabilized her heart, her heart was stopping, they had to do mouth to mouth resuscitation, it was really scary watching that, watching them take her down, at that moment, I started to cry, I started to scream, I screamed at my sister and told her, "DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS TO ME", my parents told me to calm down, as did the paramedics, I was told to stay behind while my parents go with my sister to the hospital, so anyways, I get back online, I start saying that it was my fault for not paying attention....

Now back onto the story of JoeJen

That night, I was really depressed, Joe didn't go to bed until he made sure I was stable enough for him to go offline to get something to eat, after he made sure I was okay, he told me he would call me later that night, I was left home alone cause my parents tagged along to the hospital, I was lonely, distraught, unsure of my self, unsure that I was good sister, later that night, I heard Joe Leo's voice for the first time, he called me and we talked, he calmed me down fully, we talked for almost the whole night, I cried and cried and cried to him, he told me for the first time ever that he loved me...as in actual LOVE, not the friendship kind of love, and he's been waiting a long time to say it, I told him the next day as I was wandering around in the hospital that I loved him, that I wanted him to wait for me and that I would somehow, somewhere find a way to be with him, he asked me whether I was sure or not, I told him yes. He told me back that he's been waiting for someone like me and that he was "good at waiting"

I don't like hospitals.

So anyways, we got into a relationship a few days after that, and now I'm fully drained talking about how we got together because oh my god...it's so much to recount, the horrific images that popped up into my mind.

as time went on, it became history, maybe I'll say more on another blog, you'll have to wait. That is all. :P

and yes, he's my soulmate, my true love. I love him.