Wedding and Bridezilla's

Okay, today's blog?

Weddings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and many things. ;)



It's rather sickening and I mean sickening to watch a commercial on TV that advertises Bridezilla's, it's like a REALITY TV SHOW! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




To be honest, if you want to get married like THAT, if you want a HUGE ass wedding like that, what for?????? What are you bloody thinking? What's wrong with your MIND? HELLO IN THERE!!!! LOVE isn't about huge ass weddings, where has this world go down? The drain, yeah, don't tell me, I know it has, this world is full of fucking bullshit after after bullshit. Why have a huge ass wedding? Why fantasize about huge ass weddings and all that crap? Let me tell you, fuckers, weddings are suppose to be a UNION between two souls and two spirits IN LOVE, not out of money, out of other bullshit. A wedding should be fucking simple, a nice ceremony, a beautiful ceremony where it ties two people who are in love TOGETHER. Fuck huge ass weddings, that is FAKE...FAKE...FAKE!!!!!!!!!! it shouldn't be DONE *THAT* Way. It shouldn't be full of hassels, I mean, sure, you get married only once, sure you want a dream wedding, sure you can think in terms of FAIRY TALES, but is Life a fairy tale? Uh. NO. Wake up from your sick twisted dreams, a marriage is a fucking union between two people WHO ARE IN LOVE...notice the IN LOVE thing, marriage has been changed so much that it's not only sickening to see, but it makes me want to fucking throw up and murder everyone who considers marriage EASY.

If you want to be a bitch, be a bitch alone.

and Joe and I had a small wedding, a cute little wedding, it wasn't full of stupid shit like that or too many people for that matter, sure I'm widowed, but I don't care, I just know that JoeJen had the best wedding of all time, A STAR TREK and a Star Wars themed wedding, it was nice and beautiful, so beautiful, I'll never forget that day, he was dressed as Captain Jean Luc Picard, me as Princess Leia, our minister was dressed as a Klingon, we had lightsabers, a yin and yang necklace as our ring (I wear yang, it represents him, he wore Yin, it was ME) I still wear that Yang necklace because he's the yin to my yang. We didn't need rings, we used necklaces and I'll never stop wearing that necklace. I still love him, I'll never stop, in fact, death doesn't startle me, we're countiuning our love. Death can't stop true love.



Oh you sick twisted bastards who consider marriage a fairy tale, come to your senses and slap yourself silly for thinking a wedding is a fucking fairy tale because you need to be sent to the mental hospital, the psych ward, especially put on drugs and slapped until you're dead because you don't belong to this world, you belong in another place, a place where you don't exist.

Oh my god, I cannot even begin to say how much hatred I have for some people who shunned Joe and I, I cannot even begin to fathom at how much I want to kill off some stupid people who assume love is easy, okay, you sick twisted bastards, you people piss me OFF, and sure I may come off as violent, but what is a blog for? Writing your mind, no I will not kill anyone, but I'm just pissed that when Joe and I were together, we got shit from people who tried saying we didn't know what the hell we were doing, do you know what the hell YOU'RE DOING? HMMM?????? Mind your own fucking business, you don't know me, you assume



I got messages after he ended up in jail for DUI that Joe should stay with his parents because he's not ready to explore the world on his own, what are you talking about? He's a fucking 31 years old, he wants to escape from his parents, he wants to show the world what he has, he doesn't need his parents to hold him back giving him drugs that do nothing for him and don't you fucking dare tell me otherwise because I will not hear it, I know he had so much potential, I saw that, what did you see? You selfish pigs.....You are not to tell me or him how to run our love life because it's not YOURS, it's OURS, if it was yours, you would be not living with your parents unsure of yourself. Yes, I'm talking to you, you know who you are specifically, therefore you are immature yourself, calling me immature when you haven't even talked to me one on one, okay, thanks for being a bitch and a child yourself. Yes, I harbor a lot of anger towards that shit, I still do because FUCK OFF, why must you to try to destroy a relationship just because yours isn't working out? I would write much more, don't think Joe didn't tell me all about you. When you see two people happily in love, it doesn't matter if they're gay, if they're lesbian, if they're young or old, if they're happy and they love each other, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SIMPLE, RIGHT?




See, some people live to ruin things, some people just can't stop sticking their filthy, hairy, stinky, stupid ass nose out of other people's fucking buisness. Shit. Oi VEY.

See, I know what some of you were saying about me behind my back to Joe, he told me everything, we hid nothing from each other, he told me that some people assumed, just like a friend of his assumed I was a child and all that jazz, just the usual "judging by a book bullshit" and it got kinda annoying, therefore we deleted this person off our Facebook for acting childish and throwing stupid shit our way, that's why she was the first to go, I won't name names, she knows who she is.

I blocked this one dude too and I will never unblock him, he can stick his nose into his own business. He put down saying I'm a kid and that most people at my age don't know what they doing. That's MOST, am I like most? UH....

By the way, honest and communication is key.

YUP.

Sorry if we were moving too fast, but soulmate relationship move that way. Okay? Cool. Thanks. *Delete* If you assume love is easy, *delete* if you assume love is a fairy tale *delete and block and never talk again*




Gay marriage? Sure if two people are happy, let them BE. I support and back gay marriage 100%. I don't give a flying fuck what you think of me, I'm not going to sink to other people's level and go with the flow of what others think, oh hell no, I'm an original, I'm not going to sit back and watch, oh no, I'm going to rise from the ashes and strike you down, strike all you ignorant bastards down.

Ignorance is what's killing this world. I'm sorry if this blog seems so violent, but like I said, I don't give a flying fuck anymore, you can't please them all, I won't even try anymore, i'm being Jen, the me that I am, like me or not? I'm telling you asses just how it is, how I feel because I can't sit in the background and pretend I don't care because to be honest, I care too much, therefore I'll make a blog about it and shun the nonbelievers.

AS FOR GHOSTS, there are such things, they're called leftover energy from a person, they're around, oh believe me, they're definitely around, they surround us, and why must you be scared of something like that? Ghosts are here in this world, like it or not, you can feel them, you can see them, you can hear them, but you need to have the GIFT.

Clairvoyance, clairstince, etc... they all are something.

Yes, it may seem VERY out there saying I talk to ghosts, but I do.


I'm like The Ghost Whisperer.

Yeah, wanna lock me up now?

Like I said, I cannot please everyone, I feel good being myself, I'm not going to answer to anyone, I'm my own person, I'm Jen, I'm not a carbon copy of anyone and I don't feel like being a carbon copy of anyone because I'm not a mindless drone who does drugs, who does nothing all day. LOVE ME or HATE ME, I don't give a fuck what you think, there's no in between anymore, I can't be someone that I'm not, I can't. I'm Jennifer Leo, a double Leo, I do my own thing, I don't follow your beat, I follow my own, I rock to my own, I do my own.



and just letting you know.

If you knew Joe Leo, you would still feel him here, if you didn't you would assume that he's "dead". I love Joseph Carmine Leo Jr for his energy, for his soul, for his spirit, therefore I know him DEEP, DEEP, DEEp. He's still here, I see him, I talk to him, I sense him, I feel him, what now? Oh, just get it out of your minds that death is the ending of everything, nope, it's not, death is ONLY the beginning of a soul. He's proud that he has some friends who know him for his energy therefore they know he's still here and sometimes he's posting on Facebook, those friends he LOVES dearly and they are his true friends just like they are mine. I won't name names but they know who they are, and for that, they get a donkey





Life is but a wheel...here's a poem that I wrote the other day.

A wheel that never stops turning just like the wheels on a bus
life is all but a dream
sometimes good, sometimes bad
All life is but a view
from different points from different perspectives
Good versus evil, love versus hate, hate versus indifference
Evil can take over
The all seeing eye that guards the gate of Mordor
Until we realize it's love that conquers all do we toss in the ring
a journey to mount doom
a journey through lands unknown
a journey through mist, fog, excitement
and in the end of it all, we prevail through hard work
it's not age that matters, but experience.
and what truly holds a fellowship together when everything falls apart?
LOVE, faith, and Commitment
One ring to rule them all.


and oh this poem that I wrote too.

Death is just the beginning
the beginning of an end
the journey of a soul
the path of one's spirit
one life ends
another begins
the body gone
the spirit lives
the heart stops
the soul goes
the journey countiues on
to the other side
a never ending story
a never ending path
destiny
fate
all comes together
as one
all things connect
all things equal out
because what life is
a journey
a destination
a long path
full of roads
curves
mazes
splits
Only when we complete what we set out to do
our journey ends
and a task begins
in a new life

We're all but a feather floating in the wind.

We are all part of the circle of LIFE.





and I end this blog with this.



^ that's for people who assume I'm crazy and dumb and etc.......

and this is for people who know the world and use their mind and aren't ignorant, you people make me happy.




You guys are yourselves and don't go with what others think, good job.



Here's your cookie



and PS: Guess what music we used at our wedding? Star Trek music and Star Wars music.

and no we didn't take any pictures, we didn't feel the need to show off.

Reading and Learning and BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF

Reading is essential to life, reading lifts you up to where you belong, books take you to another world, to another place, it's always good to read, I tend to read a lot, offline and online, I enjoy taking time off and reading and sitting somewhere and delving deep into books. They are good for the brain, as is learning. Learning is to the brain as food is to the stomach.




In fact, to be honest, it turns me on one hell of a lot when someone truly knows their facts about life and uses their brain, I don't like bland and boring people, god those people are destroying earth with their ignorance. There's so much to learn each day, there's so much to study about, in fact, there's a lot to this earth, this universe that we don't know about. Our brain is there for a reason. USE IT or you can just sit there and do nothing.

Actions speak louder than words.



Look at the sweet and juicy brain, LOOK at that image, what do you see? Lots of beautiful and SWEET SWEET things, wouldn't it be a shame if it went to waste? There's NO such thing as a stupid person, everyone is SMART in their own way, in their own style, don't let anyone tell you you're stupid. As Forrest Gump says, "Stupid is as stupid does." Some people may be slow, but don't judge a book by its cover, in fact, don't judge ANYONE by their cover. We all are so different underneath.

Let me say this:

Everyone has a story to tell, everyone has something going on beneath the surface, sometimes, you just have to take the time to get to know people. Let's just say that some people assume I have no idea what I'm doing, some people just assume things because I'm young and of course, they judge a book by its cover, well guess what? I have many layers, just like an onion, you may assume all you want, but have you taken the time to get to TRULY know me? No, so before you open up your big stinky mouth and assume shit, GET TO KNOW ME. PERSONALLY. And then JUDGE. K. IT'S A DEAL RIGHT? COOL. :)

Like I said, I'm more than meets the eye.




Yup.

I was different growing up, VERY different, I was picked on in elemtary school, shunned in middle school, I just didn't go with everyone else, I was always sitting in the corner with a book reading, curious about life, I did have a few friends growing up but I was never really interested in hanging out with the other kids, I was more interested in reading, in the computer, in just being with myself. Therefore, I was picked on, bullied, teased, harrased, etc. I didn't have a good childhood growing up, my parents didn't make it any easier, my parents...they misuderstood me, they embarrased me, they just.....make my life hell. I didn't have much of a childhood because of them. Growing up, all I remember was them screaming in my face, my mother especially, making me feel constantly unloved, as parents, my mother whipped me, hit me, abused me, and she used the excuse she LOVED me, oh okay, that sure as hell made me feel loved. As I grew older, I started developing mental issues, such as Manic Episodes, depression, etc. Yeah, I've been having depression, suicidal thoughts all my life and manic episodes. They sent me to the therapist and put me on loads of drugs that were just retarded. Honestly, what did the drugs do? They messed me up MORE. They used me like a guinea pig, put me on shit that didn't even RELATE to my symptons.

As I grew into a teenager, I was still an outcast, I started finding out who I was, I started to not care about fitting in, I was ME, they are all THEM, they can all kiss my shiny metal ass. I stayed with a group of people who understood me, who loved me for the me that I am, my parents assumed I was friendless, my parents assumed so many things, but in reality, they never looked past at who I really was. When I got my first laptop, it happened to be Toshiba, same as Joe's...for some eerie reason, and yes, he told me the story of his childhood, and you know what? it's the same as mine, we lived parallel lives of each other. We have the same issues, our parents just. don't. understand. US. as. A. Person. How do you think we connected? Through the computer. I used the computer to escape from the pain, the pressure of life, my parents, everything around me, I was comtemplating suicide often, sure I may seem happy, childish, but if you got to know me, I'm fucking paranoid as fuck when I feel like people are against mee, I get manic episodes often, panic attacks often, people assume Joe Leo had it easy, no, he suffered just like me all his life, except he had to deal with this 12 years longer than I did. I know how to deal with him because he was a splitting image of ME, everything I went through, he's been there, done that, that's why we have the deepest understanding of one another, our parents...my dear god, his mother and my mother are JUST THE COMPLETE SAME, my father and his father, yeah. ANYWAYS, when I graduated, I had my own chant, I had the biggest applause for any person, as I was walking the stage, I had a standing ovation from the class of 2008 and everyone immediatly screamed my name...JZOU. JZOU! JZOU!!!! That was my nickname in high school, everyone knew who Jzou was, everyone knew what I was obessed with...STAR WARS. Everyone wrote in my yearbook The Force is strong in JZOu, I had my own fan club towards the end of senior year, I didn't fit into the crowd and I'm proud of it. I am now JLO ;) Jen Leo is as famous as Jen Zou (my old name that I don't use anymore) and to be honest, I have achieved a lot and I'm proud. I'm happy I'm ME, I rock to my own beat and don't give a fuck about what others think, I'm Jen Leo, I'm a double lion, why should I care? Fuck off if you judge me because I am happy to be ME.

See, soulmates?

“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”

Sure, people have doubted his ablities because of his issues, but I didn't, he had the same dang issues AS ME, I know what he's like, everyone assumed he's weak and needed drugs, he actually didn't and neither did I.

We were not moving too fast, we knew what we were doing, we were made for each other, I will not let any...ANY ASSHOLE tell me otherwise, we followed our hearts and that's all it matters.

Yeah, I flirt to communicate just like Joe, I am like a therapist just like Joe, I have done things to other men that I'm not proud just cause I flirt to communicate, I have a harem of Men just like Joe had a harem of women. Yeah, believe it or not, we are jut like the same, except he's the boy form of me, if you've noticed, we talk in similar styles online and if in person, I won't even go there because there's so much to say.

I know there's someone out there for everyone.

I BELIEVE IT.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be who you are.

Yes, that's right, I'm talking to you, I love you the way you are.

and

this.

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify them, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do." - Jack Kerouac

Oh and YOU, if anyone shuns you and puts you down, I have your back and I'll murder their fucking asses.

True story.

Great, now I'm seen as violent, oh well, guess you can't please them all. I'm sick of bastards like that, you can't please them all, so I'm not even going to try, leave me alone, I can't sink to your level and act like I even care because I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK OF WHAT YOU THINK OF ME. IF YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW in no manner am I EVEN violent.

YUP.

LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH.

Love and sexxx (3 x's :P)

So okay, I've been noticing many things about our society, some people just think that love is a fairy tale, love is no fairy tale, nor will it EVER be, come back to the real world, love is deep commitment, the hardest and easiest thing you'll ever find, the best thing in this whole wide world, it takes a lot out of you sometimes, especially if you find your soulmate, you think finding "THE ONE" is simple, right? Well WRONG. Okay, you want to find the perfect man right? So you'll make a list about what you want and hope you'll find him/her, well rip up that fucking list right now because it's not suppose to be that fucking way, it's people like your minds that scare me. Why? Because one does NOT make a list, one just accepts whoever comes into their lives, every relationship in your life means something, there are those people who think that in order to love someone, you have to find the right person in a right body, but fuck that, love isn't PHYSICAL, it's SPIRITUAL.... TRUE LOVE IS A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY BETWEEN TWO SOULS, TWO MINDS who are deeply in love and if you love someone, you don't love them for their body, for the mind, you love them for their energy, for the person they are DEEP DOWN, that's what the term "I LOVE YOU FOR YOU MIND, BODY, AND SOUL means. There are three parts to true love.

THE FIRST ONE: Body.



The body is where you harbor your love for one another, that's physical...where making sweet sweet love comes in, making love is NOT sex in any way, sex is just sex, sex doesn't prove your love for anything, it just shows that you want to give away your pussy to everyone, yeah that's right, I said vagina. What? I'm sexual, you should all know that by now, but I don't like fucking, I love MAKING LOVE. I don't call it sex, sex is for people who are bored and just want a vagina or a penis. Nothing more, nothing less. Joe and I made LOVE, lots of it and when I said lots of it. ;) See, I didn't want him for just his body, when we made love, oh my god, it was one of the best thing I've ever experienced. So much energy produced, so much love produced, so much LOVE, so much just pure LOVE. Yeah. Nothing More. Nothing less.

Next Mind.




That's where the emotional part comes in, like I said "MIND, BODY, SOUL". You need all three to create the deepest, purest, most strongest love that you can possibly find out there

and spiritual

Your body is just a temple.

Nothing more and nothing less.

The Leo symbol to me.

Today's blog is all about the LEO


Leo (♌) is the fifth astrological sign of the Zodiac, originating from the constellation of Leo. In astrology, Leo is considered to be a "masculine", positive (extrovert) sign. It is also considered a fire sign and is one of four fixed signs.[2] Leo is ruled by the Sun. Being the fifth sign of the zodiac, Leo has been associated with the astrological fifth house.The good side about the leos is that they are very Generous and warmhearted, Creative and enthusiastic, Broad-minded, expansive,Faithful and loving.But the dark side of the the leos is that the are very Pompous and patronizing,Bossy and interfering,Dogmatic and intolerant.

I have to say, I have always considered myself to be a lion, my astrological sign.....it's always been an inspiration to me, to move with my life, I always looked up to Lions, my favorite Disney movie happens to be The Lion King because it's focused on Lions and everything that I want to be, Simba is like me, I want to be somebody, I always have and now that my last name is Leo I have even more inspiration....I am a DOUBLE Leo or double lion...astrologically and last name wise, I know I am strong, it's quite fun to rawr back at others, not necessarily in their faces, but behind their backs, it's always the small quiet ones you have to be careful of, they know what they're doing.

My horoscope is ALWAYS dead on, today's horoscope happened to be so true that it blew my mind, not that my mind doesn't get blown a lot, yes, yes, I see fire too every time I think...you're not the only one who also sees smoke.

Watch out world, Jen Leo is on the prowl...

I am now 20, I feel like a 20 years old now, it's kinda bittersweet being out of my teenage years now, I feel ready for life more, as a 19 years old I have accomplished a lot, I got pregnant, I got married, I found true LOVE, I experienced death, I have been homeless, I have been there, done all that. It kinda feels like I'm turning 50 because of all that I've been through, I have dealt with suicide, I have dealt with all kinds of shit thrown at me. Well, a new chapter of my life is starting, gone are the days that I'm still just a mere little teenager trying to convince the world that I *AM* somebody. Joe always wanted to show the world love and many different kinds of things,well, I'm going to be the one who will lead the way, I have a dream, my dream is to create a Graphic Design company, a computer company, JoeJen wanted that, JoeJen wanted their voices to be heard, to have people believe in them, to have people assume they'll amount to something good.

Enough talk, now there will be ACTION.

Let me tell you what I'm doing at the moment.

I'm now going back to school and getting my bachelor degree and many other certifications, in fact, I'm also in an internship for this computer company that teaches me Graphic Design, computer, CCS, etc... my goal will be seen. Everyone starts out with a dream, with a goal, with nothing but a dream, an inspriation, Joe Leo is my inspiration, when times get tough, I know I must go on, I must do it, I must see that his dream is made, I mainly want to create this company why? To let my creativity shine. I love writing, I love graphics, I love pictures, I love everything to do with art, with drawing, painting, writing poetry, short stories, that's my passion, I want to channel my passion and make something out of it.

I don't believe it's out of reach, no dreams ARE, if you have a dream, than go out there and ACCOMPLISH it, who gives a fuck what others think, you are YOU, they are THEY. I know the road ahead is NOT easy, in fact, the road before this for me was NEVER easy, I grew up in a horrid household, I never really had a childhood, my parents, god....they were kinda like Joe's, after all, him and I are soulmates, we lived PARALLEL lives of each other in a way, except he had to deal with this 12 years longer than I did. At 19, he had a dream, he wanted to amount to something, he never knew how, his parents were always holding him back, kinda just like mine, but he wanted to break free, just like I did now, I'm kinda like the younger version of him who did break away at 19 and now I have nothing holding me BACK.

I will accomplish this dream, finish what we both started out to do...JOSEPH CARMINE LEO JR, I WILL MAKE IT SO, the rest of my life is dedicated to YOU because you're what I'm fighting for, you're what I would die for, you're what I would suffer everything for, for our baby Joseph Carmine Leo III. This lion will MAKE IT SO because dammit, resistance is FUTILE.


Look at Disney, look at all these visionaries, what did they start out with? Nothing but a dream, everyone told them it's impossible to achieve it, but guess what? Nothing is IMPOSSIBLE. The mind is a powerful tool, use it, do something with it.

Personally, I don't care about how much money I make, I care about what I'm doing for this world, my company? It'll give back to this world, it's going to give to needy children who also have a dream, it'll give to people who want to do something, I'm going to start a foundation, a base and help others see to their vision be fulfilled. We all have a vision, we all have hope, we all want to do something, some of us can't, some of us are held back, well...I'll do something about it, I'm going to step out and look beyond what I see, I'm not giving a fuck what others think anymore, I'm Jennifer Leo, I'm a Leo, a double LION, I have COURAGE with me, I have a heart and I have a brain...I'm traveling down MunchkinLand and reaching the top, no matter what. What's the use to sit around and wish? Well, I'm going to make a name out of myself, watch out, World, Jen Leo is on the prowl and when you see my name, you'll know that I did it and trust me, oh trust me...I WILL. MARK MY WORDS. I WILL.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXs8OS6EdAE&feature=related


I just can't wait to be KING.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX07j9SDFcc&feature=related

It's the Circle of LIFE.



So, anyways, I'm proud to have a direction in life, a goal to shoot for, a vision.

I can't wait to be KING or QUEEN.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZ6cw_MuTDE&feature=related

Be PREPARED.

Energy

Do you feel that a change in the air is coming? Well, there's a new age coming, a new type of energy that's taking over the darkness that once was, if you've noticed how things seems to be changing all around us, especially the feeling of the trees, the clouds, just basically the energy around us then you are having a spiritual awakenings, spiritual awakenings are REAL.

http://www.life-enthusiast.com/ormus/orm_kundalini.htm

Well, that should explain a lot of things in there.....




^ See how there are different symbols? They all mean something, they all represent something, a style, everything in this world is made up of symbols, signs, if you read the signs carefully you would understand, there are lots of things happening all around us, there are life on other planets, there are other entities around us



We aren't alone in this world, but you know why we can't see them?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_eye

^ that hasn't been opened for YOU, YET....

You know there are WORDS for seeing/smelling/hearing/feeling/touching spirits.....

I'll tell you them.

Clairvoyance

http://www.crystalinks.com/clairvoyance.html

-



clairsentience

http://www.wingmakers.co.nz/Clairsentience.html

Clairprescence



http://ferewulf.freehostia.com/clairsenses.htm

Oh just read it and you'll get it.

But if you want to open them?




You have to open your Chakra's first, like I said, you open them over them, slowly, because you don't want to stress yourself out and open the wrong thing otherwise you can go crazy and let the wrong thing in.....

That is why you build up your Energy force field

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Force_field

and also meditate, do Yoga, they all will help out.

I love all things geek, well let's just say I walked into a frigging comic book shop and guess what? I went all crazy because it made me so happy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NTKwH9C5zs&feature=related

Baby I knew at once
That you were meant for me
Deep in my soul I know
That I'm your destiny
Though you're unsure
Why fight the tide
Don't think so much
Let your heart decide


Baby I see your future
And it's tied to mine
I look in your eyes
And see you searching for a sign
But you'll never fall
'Til you let go
Don't be so scared
Of what you don't know


True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to
me
(Got to be true to your heart)


Someone you know is on your side
Can set you free
I can do that for you
If you believe in me
Why second-guess
What feels so right
Just trust your heart
And you'll see the light


True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to
me
(Got to be true to your heart)


(Ya know it's true)
Your heart knows what's good for you
(Good for you)
Let your heart show you the way
(Ya know it's true)
It'll see you through
(Got to be true to your heart)


Girl my heart is driving me to where you
are
You can take both hands off the wheel
and
Still get far
Be swept away enjoy the ride
You won't get lost
With your heart to guide you


True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to
me
(Got to be true to your heart)


When things are getting crazy
And you don't know where to start
Keep on believing baby
Just be true to your heart
When all the world around you
It seems to fall apart
Keep on believing baby
Just be true to your heart

Everyone has a path.

Everyone has a journey in life, a destination, a place to be, a thing to do, a path, once you finished with what you have to do, you die, you die because it's your time to GO People die because it's their time, you're still here because you have a PURPOSE in life, you have a direction, some people have yet to find their direction in life, you'll find it in time, never give up on life because you're here for a REASON.

A JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH A SINGLE STEP....LOOK BEYOND WHAT YOU SEE.

The road ahead will be full of curves, full of shadows, demons, if you watch The Lord of the Rings, you'll know what I mean.


If you get the symbolism in everything, then you're good to go. Everything in this world is made up of symbols.



>


If you watch Star Wars, understand the symbolism, if you watch Star Trek, if you watch ANY movie at all, look for the SYMBOLS, the meaning, there's a DEEP DEEP meaning to every movie.



You know who your true nemesis is? YOURSELF. Think about it, do you know why? Sure people will put you down, that is only if you LET THEM, True to your heart you must be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2AI8vLTX-Q

^ Watch that song. :)

This blog is dedicated to my friends.

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

This blog is dedicated to my true friends who never left my side, who know me for the me that I am, I'm crazy, I'm stupid, I'm paranoid as hell sometimes, I'm weird, but then the people who know all that still manages to see me deep down inside and they all know how I'm like, they all know what I'll do, my friends are like my family, my family don't know me at all, all they do is put me down, etc. Yeah. Sometimes I may not talk to you but then true friendship isn't based on that, true friendship is based on the connection you have, the deep understanding between one another, some friends are more like acquaintances,they're just there. Some friends don't even need to ask you how you are,they just can tell, see that's where pictures come in and some friends, you just know. See we all need TRUE friends because if I died today, they would know I'm still here............why? If you know someone, you would feel them, it's that simple, it's not rocket science and it's certainly not me looking for attention.

Attention seeking scares the crap out of me, if you want to know, I prefer being near the water, guess why? It's soothing, it's calm, it makes me feel at peace, drama makes my head hurt, but then goddamn, there's always some drama everyday, you can't escape from it, there will be fuckers who'll try to disturb the peace because obviously they think one thing and assume shit, I have friends who have drama each day because they're surrounded by immature assholes who do not know how to treat others right. God, that pisses me off to no end, I hate seeing other people suffer especially if you're close to me, some friends I can talk to for hours and hours and not get bored.



It's good to make mistakes, nobody is PERFECT. because hell, if we were.....that would be fucking scary.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.

To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

Today's blog? Well Read it.


See, when a person dies, their energy, or AKA....their spirit.. leaves and moves on, therefore, the body is left without a spirit, therefore, a body is nothing because it has no energy...the body is just a body, if you really knew the person, you would know their energy, their flow, their soul, their spirit, their quirks, their full self, you would feel it with you because they were a part of you, a huge part, Joe may have died, but I feel him with me, I feel his energy, his flow, I TRULY TRULY TRULY TRULY loved him for who he was, for the amazing, handsome, beautiful, charming, breathtaking soul he was, for the deepness of him, his true self, he the energy he projected from deep within, I knew him like that because he was my true soulmate, I loved him not on the outside, the outside is not really love, I loved him from deep within, the very core of my soul and his, he is and will always be with me, I feel it, I may be crazy, but hey, we all are in some way, I know he's here and that's all it matters, therefore I know I can "move on" in a better way, today proved to me that I am strong, that I have child within me, the energy we produced to make that, the love we built, it's all priceless, the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return, Joe saw me for who I was, beneath it all, I saw him for who he was, beneath it all and he loved me for it, my faults, my flaws, his faults, his flaws, we worked around it, his imperfections...my god, they made him perfect on the outside, he was perfect to me, in every single way, he was the most amazing man to ever step into this world because he's MINE, he was made for me, just like I was made for him, I never would use him, why would I use the other half of me? The other half of my soul? He made me complete, he made me strive to be a better person, he made me feel whole, yin and yang, a complete circle because I love him, I love him, and I love him, I know I could never find another person like this, who makes me feel completely whole, I never felt one single bit awkward with him, even when I met him, it's like we just knew each other straight away, it felt like we had already met, it was just our bodies didn't, our bodies connected too, our souls connected, our spirits connected, that projected true love, true love is real, it's out there, love is not physical, but spiritual, spiritual in every way, that is if it's truly love, I for once have found true love, with my Joseph Leo, he's mine forever, for eternity because I have chosen to be with him forever, just like he has chosen me, where would I be without him? Nothing.... that's all we strive for in life, to find true love, love conquers all.... Love is the most purest emotion in this world, the strongest, the best, the truest, the most wonderful emotion in this world, love is not only an emotion, it's a way of life, love others and be loved in return.



This quote...

I"'ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. "

A poem I wrote the other day....

1:50 PM

Blue, green, Yellow, orange, colors of the rainbow
all different colors
Each a different light, a different vibration
a different aspect, a different view
Different energy flowing within one another, all things connecting
I smell, I taste, I see, I hear, I think...more importantly I know
What am I feeling? What is this new life?
I stop and comtemplate
It's rather a true change, a true metaphorphisis
Gone like a caterpillar, withered away, my old self
Spun into the caccoon and out comes a butterfly
a beautiful butterfly with wings that beat violently
As the wings get faster, I stand there trying to get a grip of myself
As I calms down, as I settle myself into me new identity
just merely part of the circle of life, merely a footstep in a small but big world
I Feel the wings, the wings of freedom, a new life
I could get use to this...no restrictions, to bask in the sun
in the energy, in the present of a different world
I get ready and start my new journey, my new transition, a new meaning, a new purpose
And more importantly, a new life


and to be honest, I no longer care about what others say, you know why? It's fun to have rumors, it's fun to have friends who TRULY KNOW YOU To be honest, I have many friends who I don't talk to every single day, but when I see their status's I know what they're talking about because I know them, they're my best friends, I have lots of them, I may not always talk to them, but when I do, it's like time has never passed. Those people know who they are, I don't even have to write them down but I have their backs through thick and thin.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

Oh dear god, I'm turning 20, I feel like I'm turning 30 or something, as a 19 years old, I feel like I have fully experienced life.

I love Star Wars because Star Wars is what gives me hope and inspiration.

Everything people see is from a certain point of view, from one view it can look like one thing, from another, it can look like one thing, we have to see the world from two different sides because this WORLD is NOT one sided, good verses evil is just two sides thinking what they're doing is right, but guess what? People who have bitterness, who have anger, who have depression, all their lives, people who go crazy, you have to look from their point of view, why, what caused them to do that? I have to admit, I did go crazy after Joe's death, I became all pychotic, why? Because you have to look from my point of view, I lost someone very close to me, it was a VERY traumatic death for me, how do you expect me to act? I'm not a tough shell, I'm NOT, I'm a crab and if you want to know, I do have emotions, I'm VERY vulnerable deep inside, it just takes one knock on me and I fall apart, I've been through a lot of traumatic experiences.


You think I have it easy with life? God no, right after Joe's death, I get bullshit, What for? People saying I tortured Joe, people making up shit, that hurt me more than I will admit, I may seem strong, but all it takes is one thing to knock me down...you know who he is. I'm growing tired of being accused that *I* was the death of him, erm, I feel way too much pressure lately, have you actually met me in person? I'll have you know I'm different in real life, if you actually talked to me ONE ON ONE online than you would know I'm not the type to cause drama, I'm surely NOT an attention seeker, I'm certainly NOT an evil bitch. And for some, I'm deeply sorry for doing drugs after Joe's death, I'm sorry for getting drunk, I know what I did was stupid, I admit it, I admit it right now. I admit that was not very smart of me, you know why I did? Well gosh, first of all, losing the one YOU TRULY MADLY DEEPLY love is .......HEARTBREAKING.


and you know what's even more heart breaking? People who blamed his death on ME. My heart is shattered enough, my heart is still not put back together, neither will it be ever, time will make the TERRIBLE pain slowly fade away, you think I'm happy even if I feel him around me? No, to be honest, I'm not, sometimes I am, but then, sometimes I think about suicide 24/7, the only thing that's helping me live is knowing I have Joe's child inside me growing, that's what's keeping me alive, I'm going back to school, why? For my Mini JoeJen because I know that's what he wants, he's the strength that keeps me walking, he is the light to my soul, he is the hope that keeps me trusting, he calms the storms, he is my purpose.

I'm not as tough as you think, I'm fragile.

Joe Leo

Today's blog?

I'm starting school again, I'm quite proud of myself, I'm getting my bachelor's degree officially for Graphic Design, guess who I'm doing it for? The one who makes my life worth living. Everyone needs someone to die for, someone to live for, someone worth everything, well....I'm doing it for YOU

Joseph Carmine Leo Jr.

You are my haven, my heaven, my baby, my Pumpkin, my husband, my everything, the father of my child, my lovely miracle, my inspiration, my muse, I belong to you, you belong to me, my box of JoeJoe's, my Joey Joe Joe, my Joey Poo, my Bear, my Iguana, my lightsaber, my Hulk, my Obi-Wan, my Yoda, my Joeypot, my Gollum, my Aragorn, my Legolas, my guiding lightening strike, the straw to my drink, my protection, my light, my armor, my Anakin, etc.....

Just like I'm your Jenny Poo, your munchkin FOREVER, your beauty to your beast, your Yoda, your inspiriation, your muse, the power guard to your laptop, your guiding lightening strike, your milkshake that brings all the JOey's to the yard, your cutie wutie patottie, your Jenny Jen Jen, your Jen, your Leomeister, your lion, your Storm, your Picard, etc...

I belong to You- Muse. Our song. Forever.

Hmm...

I have to say, writing makes me really really happy, it's how I vent, let me tell you something too, I secretly hate attention...oh yes, the people who know me know that I really prefer being in the background, especially my friends in real life, not on the internet, the internet is just an utopia.....an escape from hell, as Joe and I called it.... he is not how he projects online, online he acts all hyper, flirty, etc.....just like me, in fact, the two of us are quite different in real life, we do not have that much energy to go all haywire like that, lol, I shy away from attention, I do not prefer being in the spotlight, it makes me feel so awkward in every single way possible, I'm actually quite quiet and I zone out a lot, I like to retreat into my own world and be alone, sure it's cool to have attention, but meh, I'm more happy when I'm in my own world doing my own thing, Joe is the exact same way, we loved being with each other so much, everything we did felt so natural, we composed a lot of stories together, a lot of beautiful poetry, etc. :) I much prefer when there's no drama, drama scares the crap out of me, it makes me feel depressed, it scares me, it makes me paranoid, why do we need drama? What good does drama do? Sure there are people out there who'll try to start drama with me by saying weird things but uh, I prefer to stay out of it, I love LOVE, the people who truly know me KNOWS that I hate drama in every single way, the people who don't know me? They tend to assume things, and for that, my friends who know me? Cheers to you, this blog post is dedicated to you guys, I don't know what I would do without your love, your amazingness...thank you for actually KNOWING THE REAL ME and THE REAL JOE. You guys know Joe and I as paranoid freaks who get lost and confused sometimes, you guys know us so well that when people put us down, you guys know exactly what to say, I have your backs too, you know? Thank you for everything, I spent a lot of time on the phone with you peeps, a lot of time webcamming, and actually spending time one on one in real life, the internet is just an escape tool, I have a lot to do each day, I love how people presume they know "JOEJEN" but no, they don't, we are QUITE QUITE different in real life, I don't talk THAT much, neither does Joe, in fact, I can't describe how happy I was with him, how much I loved him, how deeply I love him, how much I still love him because if you heard of this quote..NOT EVEN DEATH CAN STOP TRUE LOVE....well, it's true. And the cool thing is that our relationship was FUCKING PERFECTION.....I mean it in every single way possible...PERFECTION.

True love's language is silence, I loved lying in his arms and hearing his heart beat and being cuddled by him, that was just simply the best feeling, being with him, him being with me, it doesn't compare to anything, his arms wrapped around me, kissing me on the forehead, sleeping and waking up next to him, my god, the love we felt, my god...like I said, the heart knows when the search is over, I'm sickened by people who say I exploited him, how is that even possible? Why would I go from California to FLORIDA to exploit someone? Do you know how much I gave up for him? I gave up my life and I would gladly do it all over again because godamn, pictures never lie, if you saw how happy we were in the pictures we took together, it shows and it's REAL, we know it's real, and I will not give up the love I have for him, EVER. Thank you Facebook for everything, Joe came into my life and made my life WHOLE. And if I gave up my $1000 LAPTOP FOR HIM to get him out of jail, does that mean something? If that doesn't mean that I'm 100% devoted to him, than I don't know what else to tell you.

We sacrificed everything to be with each other, I can't even put into words of what we did together, but does it matter to explain things to people who will never understand? Nah....

as for why he died drunk? He was drinking grape wine the night of his death.....get why he was drinking GRAPE WINE? He implanted a raisin....and he went out to get food for me and his "mini JoeJen" People assume I poisened him, what for? Why would I do that? his parents met up with me about a month ago and felt my stomach and took pictures of my belly :) I'm proud to have his seed, he's the love of my life and will be forever my man, nothing will change it, my husband forever. <3


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGC_9nlCWl0


if you listen closely to the lyrics...you'll see it.


and for the people who said I was the death of Joe? That hurts my heart so much. I spent everyday with him, EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, we were NEVER apart, I only worked for Disney for like 4 days and then I moved in with him, the times we weren't together in person, we were talking on Facebook through Fb mobile, see, there was NEVER a time where we didn't talk, a moment not talking to each other was quite.....depressing for both of us..... sure our relationship in person lasted for 1.5 months, but still, that was enough to fully get married, create a baby, and live LIFE FULLY.

Funny thing is? Sometimes when we talked on Facebook after we met, especially the wall to wall things was hilarious for us, it was just like what we called "old times" but we hated the the though of "old times" because the old times were just us yearning to be with each other, we've always been together, all my life I was searching for the perfect man, the perfect man turned out to be HIM, my soulmate, the ONE....just like all his life he was looking for the ONE, and therefore the timing was right. We met and now we will never be apart.

Colors of the Wind

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkV-of_eN2w&feature=related

^ this song describes everything.



You think I'm an ignorant savage
And you've been so many places
I guess it must be so
But still I cannot see
If the savage one is me
How can there be so much that you don't know?
You don't know ...

You think you own whatever land you land on
The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The heron and the otter are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends

How high will the sycamore grow?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon

For whether we are white or copper skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind